Your first lessons in love leave an imprint on your soul. Your childhood imprints of intimacy mark the way you love the rest of your life.
Ask yourself the following question:
Can you recall being comforted as a child after a time of emotional distress?
I’m not thinking of situations like a scraped knee or stubbed toe. These are the more significant emotionally difficult situations of childhood.
How you answer that question could reveal a lot about your imprint of intimacy from your first love relationships. This imprint forms your style.
What Are Love Styles?
I’m not talking about Gary Chapman’s Love Languages here. Those are great- just not the topic of this series. Milan and Kay Yerkovich’s love styles help us get to the root of how our first lessons in love impact how we love today.
Your experiences as a child leave an imprint on your soul. This imprint informs the way you respond to the love of others even into adulthood. It also informs the way you express love to others.
You may have been imprinted to avoid, please, vacillate, control, be a victim, or more. Whatever the case, you may have grown up without the healthy, secure foundation that relationships are a safe place for you to go to receive comfort.
You may have had the unique ability to grow up as a secure connector. This is the ideal way to relate to others from a place of security, trust, and respect. Unfortunately, many of us have developed a destructive love style.
How About You? Do You Have A Secure Or Destructive Love Style?
For your convenience, you can access all of the posts about love styles here. I’m still working on adding posts about the remaining three styles.
The Secure Connector
- The Avoider Love Style
- I’m an Avoider. What Now?
- Transformational Parenting for the Avoider
- Help! I’m Married to an Avoider
- The Pleaser Love Style
- I’m a Pleaser, What Now?
- Transformational Parenting for the Pleaser
- Help! I’m Married to a Pleaser
- The Vacillator Love Style
- I’m a Vacillator, What Now?
- Transformational Parenting for the Vacillator
- Help! I’m Married to a Vacillator
The Controller or Victim
Want to Know More?
Milan and Kay Yerkovich wrote a great book called How We Love: Discover Your Love Style, Enhance Your Marriage. The workbook quoted and drawn from in this post is very helpful and practical for taking steps toward growth. They have a whole series for singles, couples, counselors, etc at How We Love. (note, I’m not an affiliate or anything. I just have benefited from these resources and want to share).
I’ll continue to work through the controller and victim love styles in the upcoming posts.
The key teachings of these posts are consolidated from Milan and Kay Yerkovich’s excellent resources. I highly encourage you to find out more from them directly:
- Milan & Kay Yerkovich. How We Love: Discover Your Love Style Enhance Your Marriage. Christian Audio.
- Milan & Kay Yerkovich. How We Love Workbook: Making Deeper Connections in Marriage. Waterbrook: 2017.
- Milan & Kay Yerkovich. How We Love Our Kids: The Five Love Styles of Parenting. How to End the Struggles and Tension. The Crown Publishing Group: 2011.
Copyright © 2020 Angela Edmonds. All rights reserved.