The Secure Connector

Have you discovered your love style yet? This imprint from your childhood is likely still greatly impacting how you love today. If you aren’t sure, Take The Quiz.

Let’s Break Down the Love Styles One by One

In looking at Milan and Kay Yerkovich’s love styles, the best place to start is the ideal. Whenever you are trying to improve in any area of life, where do you start? You don’t start by setting your sights on your struggle, your addiction, your weakness, your bad habit, or the lie you’re believing. It’s nearly impossible to rise above it if that is your thinking pattern. Instead, you assess those areas for growth and then set your sights on

  • Where you want to be
  • What you desire to be
  • What truth displaces the lie
  • What goal you’d like to achieve

So, let’s start with the ideal, non-destructive love style: The Secure Connector

What is a Secure Connector?

A secure connector is generally someone who experienced trust and respect from attentive parents who were able to understand and connect with them during their growing up years. They are comfortable with the idea of trust, and expect relationships to be a place of relief and comfort.

A secure connector has learned to identify how they are feeling and to manage a wide variety of emotions in a healthy way. They are growing. They seek comfort and help from others when they need it (rather than turning to addictions). When they do this, they ask directly for what they need (rather than hoping someone will guess what they need and intuitively help).

Secure connectors know that no one is perfect, least of all themselves. They are comfortable with the imperfections of others, knowing everyone is in process and ready to support growth in those they love. This also makes them quick to listen attentively and consider constructive criticism from others, apologizing freely and sincerely when they are wrong. They can control their reactivity in difficult conversations and explore other people’s point of view, dealing well with conflict and never minimizing the feelings of others.

Am I A Secure Connector?

Discover how much of a secure connector you are, and find out more about what it means to be a secure connector:

Take the Secure Connector Self-Assessment

If you discover you don’t measure as highly as you’d like, don’t be bummed. This is an area in which you can grow! In the blogs ahead, I’ll be breaking down the other love styles. Be sure not to miss yours!

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Want To Know More?

Milan and Kay Yerkovich wrote a great book called How We Love: Discover Your Love Style, Enhance Your Marriage. They have a whole series for singles, couples, counselors, etc at How We Love. (note, I’m not an affiliate or anything. I just have benefited from these resources and want to share).

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Photo Credit: Photo adapted from Photo by Eric Froehling on Unsplash

Copyright ©  2019 Angela Edmonds. All rights reserved.


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